“Guys what’s the plan this weekend?” Amit drawled in his carefully cultivated call center accent, all the while adjusting spikes gelled out of his hair.

“Yes yaar, John Ibrahim’s Salam-e-Ishq is releasing this Friday,” Manish joined him, “Meghna is a big fan of that loser. She will join us of course.”

Manish’s lips upturned in a goofy smile he smiled when he mentioned his girlfriend.

“Ritu too will come to movie; first movie and then dinner at Sheesha, it will be great fun,” Amit reminded both Manish and Shyam not to forget her girlfriend either.

“So, it’s done,” Manish said as he got up from his chair. Both looked at Shyam with a dude-you-got-nothing-to-say ex-pression. 

“Well, I am busy this weekend,” Shyam made an excuse looking slightly unsure of himself, “there is some urgent work at home, you guys enjoy.” 

“What nonsense!” Amit said in irritated tone.

“Shut up you bozo,” Manish chided Shyam, “You are coming and that’s final, no argument.”

Shyam kept quiet. 

                                                            ………..

Shyam was twenty-one. He never had a girlfriend or even dated in his entire life. He never had any female friend. The only female friend (one-sided friendship) Shyam had in his 9^th standard math tuition classes, the time when he had just hit the puberty and it lasted maybe a month. He went to all boys' school, which made meeting girls impossible at that time as well. It was not as if he was a complete introvert. The idea of personal rejection scared the shit out of him.

The pressure of not having girlfriend was getting to him now.

“All your friends have girlfriend, what about you?” Papa would tease him occasionally.

“Papa…I want to focus on studies right now,” Shyam would come up with his standard excuse every time papa or anyone else threw this question to him. But now, he had finished his college degree and was about to join a job.

When growing up, he heard names like "faggot," "pansy," "queer," "momma's boy," and "homo."

“Oye homo, find a psychologist, you weirdo,” one of his friend once made a mockery of his and laughed.

                                                            ………..

As they reached the multiplex, both Ritu and Meghna were waiting for them. The girls were not very good looking, but that was secondary.

“I am single with no one to call my own and these buggers are having a blast,” Shyam murmured to himself.

“Hiiii Shyam!” both Meghna and Ritu came up with typical girlish tone.

“Hi”

For a moment, Shyam couldn’t look the girls in the eye. He was a loser. In a city teeming with girls, girls and more girls, here he was all alone. Loser! Loser! He thought he heard everyone around him murmur.

Manish bought the tickets and they entered the lobby. The sights and sounds added to the woes of an already depressed Shyam. He increasingly felt out of place; like a eunuch in an orgy. All he could see were couples lost in each others eyes, limbs entwined, and lips littering sweet nothings. A dragonfly couple buzzed past him, their bodies cupped together in an acrobatic splendor. They settled on a poster in the lobby which had a man kissing the girl of his dreams.

“Even insects seem to have soul mates, and here I am… who has never been kissed,” Shyam sulked looking at the flooring with disgust. It seemed like forever though it might have only been two minutes.

The noisy group walked in the aisle looking for their seats. A bored usher showed them where their seats were, ‘sit next to that fat aunty.’ Once they found their seats, there was no confusion as to who sits where. Shyam sat on the corner seat by the aisle, then Amit, Ritu, Meghna and Manish. Manish and Amit had their arms around their girlfriend’s shoulder; they ran their fingers in the girls’ hair.

The screen came to life with advertisements.

Feeling fresh and energetic after brushing his teeth a guy gives a bright shining smile to himself in the mirror. Energized with his Close-up fresh breath, he walks down the road charming the women on the way. Walking past a group of girls he dazzles them with his refreshing Close-up smile. One beautiful girl puts her arms around him. A jingle traveled across the dark auditorium: "Saath chale to baat chale."

Shyam smirked – a smirk covered in sarcasm and disdain.

Movie began with a romantic duet. The story was full of romance and love, emotions that Shyam knew well, but fate never allowed him to express.  

Here, Shyam was all alone, much like a lighthouse bordering the sea of love, drowned in his loneliness. On the surface one saw him smiling...but deep down inside there’s the undertow...and he didn’t fight it anymore A dry life bereft of any romantic notion, how he could enjoy filmy romance and dreamy dialogues. To him, the entire world was conspiring against him, laughing at his single status. He felt like he was missing out on an important part of his life emotionally and sexually. Movie came to an end unlike his lonely thoughts.

As they entered Sheesha, the famous restaurant sprawled on terrace of the multiplex, cold breeze with melodious music welcomed them. Ritu found everything quite refreshing. In her black eyes the joy of bliss sparkled, she said in her beaming voice, “Wow…a fantastic movie, cold breeze, full-moon night, and dinner with beloved in arms, what one can ask for more? It’s heaven.”

“Absolutely true,” Meghna smiled as she softly pulled Manish closer.

Shyam gazed skywards, at the stars gleaming in the darkening night, and whispered, "I don't belong to this heaven."

………..

Shyam walked in his room, switched on the light and fell on the bed like a dead body. He kept staring at the ceiling with blank mind. Shyam was completely put off with himself, with the world, with almost everything. Another sleepless night passed just in thoughts of self-pity. 

He always had been giving himself all the clichés..."stay strong," "hang in there," "keep on trying," and “It's not the end of the World,” but the bottom line was, “There isn't someone for me.”

He’d had his heart broken several times before even getting anywhere with a girl. Everyone he knew had been out with several people.

He remembered Amit’s birthday; he was introduced to Ritu’s friend. Everything went well, he was very happy to meet the girl. She too seemed to be interested in him and conversation led to friendship. He was extremely polite and caring towards her, giving her full importance. Manish asked him to drop her at home on his bike. He continued his conversation on the way too but she was not too much involved.

“Am I talking too much?” Shyam thought, “Nahi yaar, she needs company, if I won’t say anything, that would be rudeness on my part.”

When they reached outside her home, Shyam mustered the courage and asked for her number. She gave the number a bit hesitantly. He too gave his phone number to her. The ride back home was the happiest ride of his life.

“Now I have her phone number, but I won’t do any silly mistake this time,” he was excited, “Its not a good idea to call her today only, I would wait for two-three days, if she doesn’t call, then I would give her a call.”

“You have hit the jackpot Mr. Shyam,” he grinned and patted himself.

Two days passed but no call from her. Shyam opened his contact list and dialed her number.

“This number doesn’t exist; please check the number,” the operator announced, “This number doesn’t exist; please check the number.”

He kept trying the same number and heard the ever frustrating pre-recorded voice of a female.

“She lied to me!” his mind echoed the thought.

“She could deny then only, why she lied to me?” Shyam was anything but a liar and he hated liars.

It took him several days to get out of this shock. He even didn’t ask Ritu about that girl again.

One day, Manish called him at home.

“Hi Shyam, sun yaar, one of Meghna’s friend is coming today to meet her, we are meeting at Delhi Haat, you too come, she too is single, aaj teri setting pakka ho jayegi,” Manish sounded more hopeful than Shyam.

“But yaar, there is some urgent work at home, and Delhi Haat is quite far from my home,” Shyam said. This time it was not an excuse.

“Abe ullu ki dum, keep your mouth shut, you are coming, and that’s final,” Manish again decided on Shyam’s behalf, as he used to.

Shyam too wanted to go and couldn’t stop agree with Manish. Within next 30 minutes, he was standing at the gate of Delhi Haat.

Meghna introduced her beautiful friend Anusha to Shyam. Shyam couldn’t take her eyes off her. She was damn beautiful. A symbol of Indian beauty, her innocent eyes and expressive face were enough for Shyam to like her.

Shyam bought the four entry tickets for all. They moved around, enjoyed the surrounding, and ate Cholle-Bhuttere. Shyam bought a pink colored top for Anusha and gifted to her. After much prodding, Anusha accepted the gift and thanked Shyam for the gift.

“Your choice of color is amazing,” she complimented Shyam.

This single compliment made him feel victorious. Shyam was beaming with joy as if a divine blessing had been granted up on him.

“Well…If you don’t mind, can I have your mobile number?” Shyam asked hesitantly.

“Sure, Why not?” she replied.

He saved her number in his mobile.

“Give me your number,” she asked back.

Shyam thought something for a moment and said, “I gave you a miss call, check your phone.”

He was cheated once so didn’t want to take any chance this time. He dialed her number and she received a miss call. Shyam was relieved. 

They parted with the promise to meet again soon.

………..

They met each other on the chat, mailed each other extensively, and talked on phone about thrice a week. First few days it went very well. Suddenly, calling frequency dropped drastically from Anusha’s side. She even stopped replying his mails.

After countless missed calls, and hundreds of offline messages, she came to phone.

“Hello…Anusha.”

“Hello Shyam, How are you?”

“I am not fine, Anusha, why not you picking my phone?”

“I was busy.”

“Don’t make false excuses, if I have done anything wrong, please forgive me, but don’t do this to me.”

“No Shyam, it’s not like that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Shyam…well…you are a good person and any girl would be lucky to be with you, but…”

“But?” he shuddered beneath his stiffening feet.

“But Shyam…I never treated you as my boyfriend, I liked another guy; last week he proposed me and I said ‘yes’,” her voice rose and faded… and then rose again.

There was a pin drop silence on the other side of the phone. The only sound was the faint murmur of a fan rotating slowly overhead. Shyam didn’t utter a single word.

“I am sorry, Shyam, I know I should have told this to you earlier, I am really sorry,” she said and hanged the phone. She was gone.

The fan continued its gentle buzz; but otherwise the silence still prevailed. Minutes passed as he grappled with what he had just experienced. Thoughts overrode as each came up with their own logic of whatever happened to him and why. It was time to return to that killer notion of being alone again. Another girl added Shyam to her rejection list as he stood still on the heap of shattered hopes and broken dreams. Shyam, bathed in tears, looked outside the window and saw the sun setting as if even sun was too bidding goodbye to him and saying, “Sorry buddy…”

A feeling of eerie frustration ran down his mind. The wall’s peeling paint was staring at Shyam pessimistically. He looked at a small statue of Lord Shiva kept on the wood board and sulked.

“Why me?”

………..

“Shyam, I have one suggestion, which may work for you?” Manish said.

“Tell.”

 “First you promise that you won’t get me wrong and won’t get angry.”

 “Okay.”

“Enjoy a night or two with a call-girl for the time being,” Manish said tentatively.  His face was so glum that he almost whispered his.

“Ohh…ok,” Shyam was bit surprised, “so both of you think that I want girlfriend for sex only?”

“No, I don’t mean that.”

“Look Manish, I really don’t know what you two think about me, but since we are good friends, let me tell you one thing, I don’t want girlfriend for sex. Sex is something anyone can get easily in a metro city, isn’t it?”

“Yes…you are right.”

“Dost, its not about sex, it’s about sharing feelings with someone special, it’s about being together, it’s about holding hands, it’s about being in love, it’s about companionship, and after all of them, it’s about sex, the least concern for me,” Shyam continued, “May be, it’s difficult for you to understand this since you have got easily what I  haven’t.”

Both Amit and Manish held Shyam’s hands and whispered, “Sorry yaar.”

The days passed and his hope for a girlfriend died its unnatural death. His innocence was lost somewhere in all this. He immersed himself into work and almost went into a shell. He just lost the craving to socialize or meeting new people.

(*This is a true story of one of my friend so names have been changed to protect the identities.)

My Message to My Friend:

Keep it simple, just be yourself and relax.  If it works out, fine, if not, you still have your house, car, bank account, health, job, family, yourself and the future.